Reality
by Outbreaking
Summary: Amanda Rollins finally found her place in New York. But when a conference with her old squad from Atlanta is presented, issues arise. Will this cause her to realize herself and come to reality? Or cover up her past? My own twist on 'Forgiving Rollins. Also has Amanda/Nick. just a warning.


**Disclaimer: I don't in any way own Law & Order: SVU. I'm just a girl who likes watching and writing about it. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy! If you have any suggestions, leave them in the reviews of PM me! Also, this is just my own personal spin of 'Forgiving Rollins', so there may be some spoilers used so be CAUTIOUS. **

"Freeze!" Detective Amanda Rollins declared, pointing her gun up at the suspect, "NYPD, put your hands up, you're under arrest." She spoke as the man put his hands up and she withdrew her gun and got out her handcuffs.

Nick Amaro just ran in from behind her, catching up as she began to handcuff the guy. He tried to intervene and handcuff this man himself since the guy seemed strong.

"What are you doin'?" She said a bit irritated and finishing handcuffing the guy, "_I_ got it." She rolled her eyes as he just shrugged and stepped back following close behind her to the squad car.

He was always doing this to her. Never letting her do anything, like she couldn't handle it. _Please. _She could handle herself just fine, and she didn't need help from anybody.

They loaded the perp in the back seat and drove off in silence. Finally, Amanda's cell phone rang.

"Rollins." She answered, "Okay sure, I'm with Amaro right now we're headin' back to the precinct to drop him off and then I'll meet up with you." She spoke, "Okay, bye."

"What's up?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

"I don't know Benson wants to talk to me." She breathed, while Nick just nodded in response, "What are you mad at me or somethin'?" she asked, noticing his quietness.

"No, I just…" he trailed of as they pulled into the station, "never mind." He shook his head

"Whatever," Amanda whispered as she opened her door, "You got him?" she asked. Another nod.

Amanda walked over to her desk when she heard a door open.

"Rollins." Sergeant Olivia Benson called, with a slight smile, "Come in my office."

Amanda did as instructed and walked into Olivia's office, leaving the door a jar.

"What's goin' on boss?" Amanda breathed, shoving her hands into her pockets.

"Nothing serious, I just wanted to make sure you're coming to this conference tomorrow, Fin and Nick are but since you've worked with Atlanta PD before I thought we'd probably all get along better if you were there." Olivia stated, looking for an answer.

"Well…" Amanda trailed off. She was really hoping to avoid all this. And by _this_, she meant Atlanta PD, but most of all Deputy Chief Patton.

"Well what?" Olivia pressed, raising her eyebrows a little impatiently.

"I wasn't really plannin' on going…" Amanda finally said

"And why is that?" Olivia questioned, "We could really use you there."

"I know it's just…" she really didn't know how to get herself out of this one.

"Is everything okay, Amanda?" Olivia asked, now slightly concerned.

"You know what?" Amanda chuckled her question, "Everything's fine and I will be there." She said with an uneasy smile that Olivia let go.

"Okay…" Olivia sighed,

"It that it?" Amanda asked before Olivia could finish. She was shaking, and she could feel her heart begin to beat faster. She was going to have to see _him. _Talk to _him._ Lie about _him. _

"Um, yeah." Olivia shrugged, "You sure you're alright?"

"I'm great, fine." Amanda assured, with a forced smile as she turned she slightly ran into the door frame, "Sorry I'm such a klutz." She turned around and played off to her boss.

She couldn't even hear anyone walking so when someone put her hand on her shoulder she flinched.

"Whoa, sorry didn't mean to scare ya." Fin chuckled as he withdrew his hand.

"Aw, it's all good just don't sneak up on me again." She laughed slightly, nervously.

"You all good?" Fin asked, "You seem a little off…"

God damn it. Why was everyone asking her that today? She was fine, and she'd always be fine. She isn't anyone's damn charity case.

"I'm perfectly fine." She replied, matter-of-factly, and retreated to her desk to find Nick already back at his.

"Okay…" Fin said unconvinced, "Lemme know if you're not." She put his hands up in defense.

She mentally rolled her eyes. She knew Fin was just looking out for her, but she was a grown women.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing.

"This is Rollins." She answered, after the second ring.

"Aww sweet Amanda Rollins." She recognized his voice immediately and she felt like she couldn't move. She quickly tried to clear her throat and took a deep breath in.

"Chief," she addressed _him_

"The boys and I are all comin' in tomorrow for this conference just wanted to give ya a heads up."

"Why would I need that?" she asked, lowering her voice. Although, Fin and Nick seemed to take notice; exchanging looks with each other before turning their attention back to Amanda.

"Oh I don't know Darlin' I guess I just wanted an excuse to talk to ya'." She could imagine his sly grin through the phone, taunting her.

She _hated _when he called her 'Darlin'. She wasn't his darling and she never would be.

"Look is there something I can do for you because I have a lot of work to do…"

"I guess not," he began, "Just say you'll come have a drink with me and the boys tomorrow night?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea…" she trailed off, trying to think of an excuse.

"Aw c'mon now Darlin'." He said, "It'll give us time to catch up."

"It's just that..." she struggled to find an excuse, "yeah actually I can't because well I'm sober now." She lied.

"Really?" he said with shock, "So that's what New York did to ya'?" he asked, "Made ya' drink yourself until you had to just give it all up completely."

"That's not really what happ-" she started

"Well I'm sure you and I can find _something_ else to do together." He interrupted

"I have to go I'm very busy."

"A very busy women indeed, catch you tomorrow Darlin'" he hung up before she did and when she heard it go dead on the other line she felt her breath even out.

"Since when are you sober?" Fin asked with a knowing smile.

"Well I'm nor but…" she began before Nick cut her off.

"Who the hell was that?" he asked, concerned.

"No one."


End file.
